I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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