I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
