the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
