When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
