Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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