if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
