batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
