i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
