I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
