whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
