all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
