I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
being pregnant is like rehab
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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