evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
