The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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