Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
