just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
