I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
