I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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