I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
