My liver just broke up with me...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
