I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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