You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
