don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
40s are totally the cure
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
