Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
