i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I deserve this hangover.
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