i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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