I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
