I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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