Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
