Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
