I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
