I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
