I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
