My first STD was from a foam party
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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