I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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