I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if only i could text you this smell
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
