I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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