my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
