Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
