Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
