My friends, they love my intelligence
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
