I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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