"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
