Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You made out with two different species that night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
