I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
