It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
