She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
