All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
