i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
