she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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