First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
