he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
