Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
