My pussy is not your playground.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
